something so irreplacable

VHAPSODY 09 has ended, so has the late night practices, the thaipan lunches, the camwhoring sessions and so much more
yes the journey has been so tough since the intensive practices for syf all the way till last night...
its a crazy one
we bitched we cried we screamed we whined.
but nothing can beat the response last night.
we rocked the stage
flaws were present nonetheless
but our audience was amazing..
with many thanks to our lovely conductors of coz
i had such a fun time on stage,
despite the fight against stage fright with nothing between me and the audience, i knew i wasnt alone
thank you so much vjco:D
i thought i didnt like it from the start, thought that council was my family
thought that this was nothing more than a platform into vj, dread practices
thought i didnt belong
thought my skills were real bad, that i didnt like co music either..
came with no passion, no excitement
it was just an obligation.
an error from the very beginning.
but everything dawned unto me last night. this is it, the last performance of my life.
i looked at you people... im reluctant to leave.
you people were there who beared with the tough practices till late night.
we were one at the day of syf.
we played and laughed together. you guys made me feel like home.
now youre irreplacable vjco... the music we played last night still rings in my ears now...
special thanks to mdm wee who insisted that i stay put in vjco even when she saw that my heard was with council
guo lao shi and xiang le who made it so real to us that conductors can be just as fun. all your random jokes and funny singing really made practices much more bearable
and to terie and olivia, i was alone in 2008 after rachel left. i was lonely and angsty.
you guys bought laughter back on into my days...
thank you so much!
and hongkong peeps yea we had a fun time last year didnt we:D
to all those who teared laughed and rocked the stage yesterday, I LOVE YALL~!

the very first saturday of the holiday. my first saturday this month without practices.
one long exclamation to describe it:" WOOOOHOOOOOOO"
yes. it felt darn good to sleep till like 1 plus in the afternoon had some porridge
followed by washing this and that
then off set we went to watch ANGELS AND DEMONS
yes i know many had watched it but i cant help it this is my only free day to watch it
hell its so good.
the movie's urging me to read the book!!!
gosh amazing how the moviemakers create the scene of the explosion of that antimatter
of coz my saturday wouldnt have been this amazing without boy beside me
without his shoulders i wouldnt have survived through the show...
his comforting fingers. as he stroked me gently...
and im sure he had such a fun time laughing at my black black mouth
with a standing ovation for the oooh-damn-black squid ink pasta
gosh i'll never eat that thang again, my tongue's still black ):
its 1000 times worse than monster candy!
gotta catch some beauty sleep now :D

im sorry i doubted you sweetie pie. i shouldnt have. this may sound as an excuse but the longer is the length of our relationship the more afraid am i to lose you just like this... i wont do it again. i just wish to say this: im happy today HAPPIA HAPPIA:D

backfire

BSB-crawling back to you
Everybody knows
That I was such a fool
To ever let go of you
But baby, I was wrong
And yeah, I know I said
We'd be better off alone
It was time that we moved on
I know I broke your heart
I didn't mean to break your heart
But baby, here I am
Banging on your front door
My pride's spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised
And I'm crawling back to you
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was running from the truth
And now I'm crawling back to you
I know you're in there
You can make me wait
But I'm not going to wait
It's the least that I can do
Just to tell you face to face
I was lying to myself
Now I'm dying in this hell
Girl, I know you're mad
I can't blame you for being mad
But baby, here I am
If you could see these tears I'm crying
Touch these hands that can't stop shaking
Hear my heart that's barely beating
You would see a different man

now im crawling because im just so tired that i no longer have the energy to walk normally.
my body are showing the teeny wheeny little signs to hint to me that i need a break
i see them
but i cant help but ignore them
no is no way for a break
in fact i have no say in giving myself a break
how do i have a break with all the practices ending like at 730 and by the time i get home its already 9pm
even not doing my tutorials will get me no more than 6 hours of sleep everyday
feel like crying because this is such a crazy fight
i guess more of less all their intentions are backfiring i mean
WAKE UP YOUR IDEA, you get us to come down to practice everyday,
we contemplate, our body is here but our souls crave to go match supports crave for a day off just to rest
it backfires because we will think that we can get it tml tml tml and more tml..
yes we're not up to standard, any fool can see that.
but being unproductive in the long hours of practice will end up as nothing in the end
i rather that we have a day or 2 of break, rest our bodies, rest our minds,rest our bruised fingers
then come back and be PRODUCTIVE for a change.
since you all have to insist that we come back everyday, fine... then whats the use of being a family if we have no rights.
we aint robots. we need a rest...
heard of LDMR? its setting in right now...

its eating in from the inside... bit by bit... and it gets worse without you around...
its difficult to meet consecutively for two weeks and now just twice a week
its bad, im so dependent right now...

simply simple

realise-colbie caillat
Take time to realize,
That your warmth is.
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.
But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you
If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now.
Take time to realise-
oh I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by..
Didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you,
No its never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you.
its not always the same
No it's never the same
If you don't feel it to.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way
It could be the same for you.

a good girl gone bad, an innocent girl gone wild.
not as extreme but nonetheless a large step forward.
and nevertheless the fear overwhelms
but it was your smile and the excitement that soothe my raging fear.
it is a fast fast thing, you feel the wind just at the sides of your neck.
the scary thing is you feel youre not armoured. not protected.
removing some form of inhibition, i guess i really wanna give in all for this thing we share.
i felt us nearing the ice-berg
i steered it away.
lest another titanic tragedy
i felt the distance, but just a comment an insistent of mine,
i exchanged my sacrifices for more love, more smiles and back to you...
now a greater step.
im not fearful now... for you really extended my comfort zone.
your presence alone was enough to bring me further each and every time...

LOVES LOVES: got a RED HEART shirt! PRETTAYEEEE

pull you through

jennifer paige-stranded
You know it only breaks my heart
To see you standing in the dark
Alone waiting there for me to come back
I'm too afraid to show
If it's coming over you
Like it's coming over me
I'm crashing like a tidal wave
That drags me out to sea
I wanna be with you
If you wanna be with me
Crashing like a tidal wave
I don't want to be
Stranded
So baby come back to me [Stranded]
So baby come back to me [Stranded]
I can only take so much
These tears are turning me to rust
I know you're waiting there for me to come back
I'm too afraid to show
I miss you I need you
Without you
I'm stranded
I love you
So come back
I'm not afraid to show
Crashing like a tidal wave
Drags me out to sea
I wanna be with you
You wanna be with me
Crashing like a tidal wave

was about to turn off the laptop so i could finally do poisson. hell, i realise im lagging much much behind in lessons, missed lectures and tutorials, didnt do tutorials since dont know when just because i was either too tired or lazy, there's always excuses on my part... i have to face the consequences now. the holidays would not be sufficient to review j1 stuff and catch up with j2 stuff but thing is if i think that ct2s are still early when am i ever gonna start? its true you know that when the pace gets slow you wish to give up... and when the road seems endless, you would rather stop walking as a whole...
co practice has not stopped, and is not going to stop till vhapsody, or probably longer than that, after the competition, im just way too lazy to pick up my hubby and play its strings... just a 6days break and when i pluck those strings today, my finger cried... each vein dreading the sight that concert's so near yet so far... when "seasons" finally ended, will there be enough time to study?

pull through my sweetheart, you can do it. yes we all have to admit to this that 24 hours a day is never enough to
eat
sleep
shit
breathe
walk
take bus
stare into blank space
go for lectures
tutorials
joke with friends
talk on the phone
message and smile
hug somebody or something
turn the aircon on,
getting your ass on the ground
take out pencil box
take out favourite pen
write
scribble
sing
dance
walk
jump
skip
so many million things to do...
really 24 hours aint enough.
WAY OUT : prioritise!
we can all do it...
if we believe...

be strong

not alone-mcfly
Life is getting harder day by day
And I, I don't know what to do what to say, yeah
And my mind is growing weak every step I take
It's uncontrolable now they think I'm fake
Yeah'
Coz I'm not alone
But I'm not alone ( no, no, no)
I'm not alone
And I, I get on the train on my own
Yeah, My tired radio keeps playin' tired songs
And I know thats there's not long to go, oh
And all i wanna do is just go home
'Coz I'm not alone (no, no, no)
But I'm not alone (no, no, no)
People rip me for the clothes,
I wear, yeah yeah
Every day seems to be the same
They just swear, yeah
They just don't care
They just don't care
They just don't care
'Coz I'm not alone (no, no, no)
But I'm not alone (no, no, no)

ultimate activity for mama's day 2009, went to kallang skating rink to ice skate
cool man, my family was there, my cousins' and my granny too
ultimate coolness!!
this weekend has been enjoying too like i went to watch movie with boy on saturday,
though it was more or less tough to understand and we were both fighting against the fatigue
but nonetheless its pretty much enjoying since we both haven't been spending enjoying time like this...
and though im still having 6 to 7 hours of sleep every night, i feel relaxed like playing com in the wee hours... it feels good, to be relaxed... at least. for now...

you were the comfort zone, once i leave it, i fall. hard..
i needed support not those plastic railings, not my own confidence
not their encouragement but your hand, just that alone made me feel like i could conquer the ice,my phobia and everything else...
we both have to agree this was a great leap for both of us, not just a new activity experienced first hand together
but through it, we built understanding and reliance upon one another and this is all i need
its amazing how we could build rapport just through this simple thing.
all i could do was smile even though i was afraid, because you cast away all the fear within me with just a word or two.
our only mode of communication was through the fingerdance we did...
sweetie, everything was just perfect there in the rink...
the music, the ice, the atmosphere and
most of all... you
thanks mr bunny, my pillar, you're a better support then the metal thing :D

be strong because im the umbrella now, sheltering you from the rain and pain...
i was so glad you came to me and showed me that i was an integral part in your life.
i was trying so heard to fight against the urge of going to your house to meet you and hug you tight and say im here im here...
be strong boy boy... it aint manly to tank it all by yourself but a true man knows how and when to shed tears, to be weak... to just breathe when he's in his girl's arms...

linger round the finger

sleeping to dream-jason mraz
I'm dreaming of sleeping next to you
I'm feeling like a lost little boy in a brand new town.
I'm counting my sheep and each one that passes is another dream to ashes and
they all fall down.
And as I lay me down tonight, I close my eyes,
what a beautiful sight.
Sleeping to dream about you
and I'm so damn tired.
Of havin' to live without you
But I, I don't mind.
Sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired.
Oh, yes I amI found myself in the riches
Your eyes, your lips, your hair
Well you were everywhere, out there
.I woke up in the ditches.
I hit the light and I thought you might be here
But you were nowhere.
Oh love,
Well, you were nowhere at home
.As I lay me back to sleep,
This love I pray that I can
Keep.
Sleeping to dream about you
and I'm so damn tired.
Of having to live without you
But I, I don't mind.
Sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired.
I'm so tired.
Well its
Just a little lullaby to keep myself from crying myself to sleep at night.
Once I dry my eyes I'll...
Sleeping to dream about you
and I'm so damn tired.
Of having to live without you
But I, I don't mind.
Sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired.
I'm so...tired.


we questioned the many whys we searched for the contributing factors. we ended up in conclusion it is all unfair. many factors contribute, excuses or reasons, its no longer clear. but what is very clear is the emotions thatc ame across so strongly when we see how they cheered right in our face when we were sobbing badly... what we felt was hard work then and now we feel disappointment and sadness... its unfair everything, is it the session issue? whats wrong? if the competition is not fair shouldnt we all stop this competition as a whole? its just hard to accept the fact that we endured this gruelling 5 month and just told we remain status quo... so what if others thought we deserved it, in the end we still didnt get it. so much so for saying as long as we know our standard we are good, but still who doesn't wish to get recognised for his or her efforts? well 16 minutes there on stage and now its all over... i'll miss you vjco, we rocked the stage on 060509:D

worry nothing no more my boy, let it all go, leave and learn then come back for love. for love shall stay shall last shall persist through those difficult days. im moved when you uttered those words about being unable to imagine days without me but for the all-benefits trip we'll take this challenge. find your confidence my boy, i can never forget your favourite phrase. confidence is a battle half won. for the things i said to hurt you, im sorry. and no matter what i love you like i always do, dont give yourself up for it meant giving us up and it just aint worth it. you had always been my pillar of support like how you would be there when i was so deeply affected by syf results... what would i do without you as my pillar? the umbrella aint gonna stand straight... it'll fall... dommy daddy, bring no gaps but cast all distance away now, hold me close and dear, my boy, speak to me just about everything. really nothing can separate us, allow nothing to even come close. no more tears, just laughter that rings and resonates...

stay the same

joey mcintyre-stay the same
Don't you ever wish you were someone else,
You were meant to be the way you are exactly.
Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are.
When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.
And I hope you always stay the same, cuz there's nothin' 'bout you I would change.
I think that you could be whatever you wanted to be
If you could realize, all the dreams you have inside.
Don't be afraid if you've got something to say,
Just open up your heart and let it show you the way.
Believe in yourself.
Reach down inside.
The love you find will set you free.
Believe in yourself, you will come alive.
Have faith in what you do.
You'll make it through.

crying out loud deep inside, we exclaimed this is the one last stretch. some became pessimistic, some get optmistic, but overally, everyone's bracing up a strong front right now, stepping out and we're gonna give it our best shot ever ever ever!!! hell yeah man today's like the most fun practice i ever had. though its the longest like we ended like 9 but all the laughter made it so worthwhile... flaws are still present undeniably but i believe i strongly believe that right there on stage we would give in our best and play like we never did. all the best my co-mates:D

i have yet to update bout my long weekend so here's a little something bout it. on labour day benzene went teo heng hahahah that sleezy place lol the "Room" for 6 of us eh and hhaahlunch at astons looked lke triple date ooops!:P anyway thanks a million benzene, i had such a fun time it felt like the end of a levels already coz we really let loose our hair that day :D yeah yeah then after the short short teo heng highness went to cityhall to meet my dearest crowned princess:D
shopped for my tube and belt yeah finally man! :D but seriously my wardrobe needs more than tt hahaha i sound like a materialistic bimbo hahah but oh wells oh wells...! hmm then we had dinner at re ben chun which was cool cool and took instax:D(*beams!) yup and my boy boy came over and accompany me till like 2am or something sorry bibi!!! :( anyway ya then my saturday was a crazy practice till like 7pm then me and boy went to eat BCM muahahhaha NICE NICE NICE and had a ton load of fun :D and came back home early to watch sniper:D hot guys with muscles yoyo :D yup thats quite much for my weekend le hehe sunday was a long rotting one and studying chem, talking to my sis day hahah:D

we need to stop being morbid and enjoy life while we can!

outvested

it has been ages since i updated. its almost dead now but i shant let it die...

this few weeks was an emotional and physical drain. practices have been taking up the bulk of my days coz syf's next wed...

and yesterday was out-vestiture for the 17ths... much to say but to sum it all up, it was just sad and reluctance to leave. this morning as i see my uniform without the tag, empty is the word to describe it all... my heart felt void of emotions too... there's still so much so much to say to my fellow 17ths... I LOVE Y'ALL!

alright i shant be really emo bout that again coz i already cried my eyeballs dry yesterday!! gosh i must have looked damn horrible...

finally my sort of long awaited weekend's here. tml's benzene day yeah!! for once we shant be unstabilised or highly activating/deactivating. just us, benzene YEAH! and the night shall be dedicated to my dearest crowned princesses :D yeah yeah happy happy... but saturday will be full day co once again. ah this aint whining imma just gonna chiong for syf...!:D gwh we're coming!!

hammy daddy worry nothing about the distance... care not about my emotions. go. and enjoy. coz i'll be here waiting... its tough, i know but i am going to put myself to this challenge to pull through together with you. im glad i made that decision and convinced you so, coz we managed a compromise to meet both of our priorities. no regrets no nothing, just happiness coz you were glad and happy at our decision... bibi i just want to thank you for hanging on this period of time with me when i would always be so tired and stuff and you would come and pick me up and accompany me... and most of all, today i was tall.. ( winks winks) ah it was really sweet dear dear thanks a million... oooh hugggyyyy!:D