tired tears

i never realised crying can be this tirednot till recently that i have my tears to accompany my days with mei cried so much that i feel immediately tired after the outbursteach time before i cry i tell myself its alright to be weak and just vent it all outand unknowingly i've been having outbursts that happen one every 3 days or so?well i dont really cry about nothingor maybe they are really nothing after my tearsstress, boy, overseas, uni,prelims,alevels, home, life... and the list of stupid things continue.yup quite dumb actuallywell maybe at the point of breaking down i dun think that these things are stupidor rather the cry even more when i realise im crying coz of stupid stuff...i know i have to be strongsometimes the 'peter pan' syndrome would set right in and say i dont wish to be...i know i have to be independent but after days and months of being overly dependent on someone its tough to walk alone as a wholeim feeling like a butterfly who came out of my cocoon when someone disturbed it, so i know not how to flyand have no strength to fly...its a difficult task describing my feelings right nowjust a stoned mood, not really running away but just in a state of wanting to not think about anythingits tough baby, to promise that i'll be strong and yet each time i try its just so so hard.i know i have been adding on to the stack of work on your desk right now.but i just cant help itpromised that i'll be happy and yet each time i think of how a month from now, its no more, i'll tear uncontrollablyyou are tired too, i ought to know.you are stressed too, we both understand....its just like wrong time wrong date wrong place.feel frustrated at the thought of it.feel like getting pushed to the wall each time i tried to breathe.i asked a million times why nowyes why nowtwice the emotional stresstwice the painjust whirling all over again and again

thanks so much PTBF. your shoulder! and listen to all my rants.
i really dont know what i'll do without you right there
sorry for troubling you to be the middleman PTBF...
i'll be a good girl and listen to what you said just now
be strong and less dependent on this relationship of mine...
i love you PTBF!<3