the answer

you're like a gust of wind coming in and out of my thoughts and days without any notice
you come and made me happy
and you went, leaving me all empty again
like day and night, youre like the sun
you rise and make me excited
then you set, leaving a whole sky of darkness.
like a gust of wind you came, i couldnt get hold of you
you'll be gone like you always do.
without any notice you'll come into my arms
yet with just a simple goodbye kiss you flew away
like we aint supposed to meet
like we aint supposed to kiss
its a wrongdoing from your reactions.
i seem to be like some form of activity to be slotted into your busy schedule
i seem to be your burden, making you even more tired
yes youre right, you dont know how to deal with the ups and downs of my emotions
i dont either
coz right now, i cant expect, i could only tolerate, understand and comprehend
like you said, those arent excuses they are reasons.
you know something?
everytime i wanna ask for something, there is always a but
you know theres an urge in you to just say yes to me but the word came first
BUT..
BUT..
our love story became a practical real life kinda stuff instead of the fairytale that it used to be
meeting you in the past was adventurous like against all odds.
a surprise would come from the top, plop youre next to me
its fun you know that
its analogous to the way we met, plop you were there at the party, became friends then lovers
now, im in real life
you constantly remind me of that.
times i really needed you or just wanted to meet you out of randomness,
i needed to think of the words after your but's
there is always a but, followed by a sorry
then comes this thing, as always
ok jasmine teo you need to understand
alright matter's settled, i understand
i have to.
what to do, i am with DA MANG REN
the hours are now of quality, because da mang ren is unable to give quantity
i said to myself, its more than enough. just you and me, and the stars, im satisfied
ok problem's solved
then came the thing called fatigue and sleep
one thing that i have been deprived of recently...
no more long phone calls,
no more long good night messages.
no more morning messages at 12 noon
but darn early ones at 6 am
no more slacking till way past curfew time
cinderella's clock strikes at 10 now.
what can she do?
fight back? she's a maid now, no longer a princess
the only way out, weep home.
or maybe tears would have dried up,
next up, sleep deprived nights.
it aint your fault you see, probably is me, so difficult for me to be contended.
well im not the kind who just need to see the other party and be happy for the entire day
i have way too much pessimistic thoughts to be overcome.
not just a look,
you see, i always want more.
my fault?
yup so i understand again
now the problem is this
am i tolerating or understanding?
here's the answer to the million dollar question.
im tolerating because im way past understanding already
i need you to understand to
and reason why im not turning these to you,
because when i need your understanding
it would be in a long long conversation then end up having me to understand understand understand...
i love you still you know,
just that im a girl too
a 17 yr old.
not 20..


worst night ever:
1am-240am: tossing and turning
240am to 4am: forcing myself to sleep
440am: wakes up. DAMN
5am:sends message
505am: check for replies
517am:check replies
531am:again
6am or so: go to sofa and sleep
7 am: came back room, sleep on bed
9am: wake up and collapsed back
940am: wake up
then goes down to bugis under the hot sun
come back home.
12-230pm: preparing for picnic
230-3pm:attempt to study
3pm-10pm: FATHERS DAY PICNIC
now, blogging
next, study